Internet sexual offending is on the increase; in 2021, 21.7 million incidents of people sharing Child Sexual Abuse Material (CSAM, also referred to as Indecent Images of Children (IIOC)) were identified through US tech platforms alone, with 30,000 referrals made to the UK police. In 2020/2021, 89,200 offences involving child sexual abuse were recorded by the police across England and Wales, with almost 35% of these offences involving CSAM. Although reports of contact sexual abuse decreased in this time period, online CSAM offences rose by 18%, seeing the largest increase since 2003/04. Figures for 2021/2022 reveal that there were 10,181 arrests for online sexual offences, which equates to an average of 27 arrests every day of the year. Clearly, this is a problem that is not going to go away any time soon, and our Justice System is crumbling under the pressure of having to investigate and prosecute those who have been arrested for these offences. 

It is now estimated that approximately 300 UK families per month will receive ‘the Knock’, the term used to refer to the initial arrest (because it usually comes in the form of a knock at the door very early in the morning). Most men who have been offending online will have been expecting this Knock for a very long time, and, for many, it almost comes as a relief. However, for their partner (the NOP, or non-offending partner), it comes as an enormous shock, as it is very rare for them to have any inkling that their partner is offending online. For those with children living in the household, they find themselves under the scrutiny of Children’s Services, with the NOP often becoming a single parent overnight, and their parenting ability being questioned and assessed. 

Many women feel forced to end their relationship before any of the facts of the offence have been established, due to pressure from Children’s Services and the threat of their children being taken into care. This results in even more psychological trauma at a time when the NOP needs space and time to gather all the facts before making an informed decision on whether they want to continue in their relationship. Research studies have found that NOPs experience feelings of loss, shame, isolation, stigma and blame, exacerbated by the reactions of friends, family and agencies. The realisation that the man they love, the father of their children, has been viewing CSAM, brings with it so many concerns, including the fear that he could have committed contact abuse, the concern that people will find out and ‘paedophile hunter’ vigilante groups will attack their home, and the worry that people will think they must have somehow known that this was happening. 

If the NOP chooses to stay in a relationship with their partner, as many do, they fear they will also be subject to rejection by their friends and family. Even when Children’s Services support them with this decision, the nature of their relationship will be forever changed. Aside from possibly losing friendships and the support of family members, they could lose their employment as they no longer have their partner to share childcare with, and, if their partner also loses their employment, they could face losing their home due to financial hardship. 

In addition to this, the suicide risk for those arrested for CSAM offences is reported to be 100 times greater than in the general population, so the NOP also has the ongoing threat of losing their partner to suicide. The term grief is usually associated with the death of a loved one, however, there are many different forms of grief and the losses endured by NOPs are often traumatic. When someone’s partner dies, or is diagnosed with a terminal illness, there is usually an outpouring of sympathy from others, of support, and a willingness to do all they can to help. However, when the NOP experiences loss due to their partner accessing CSAM, those losses are hidden beneath the shame and judgement they experience from others, from the stress of trying to navigate single parenthood, Children’s Services and the Criminal Justice System, trying to manage the emotions of the children who are often left confused about what has happened to their father, and trying to decide who they are safe to confide in, and what to tell those who are not. This ‘ambiguous loss’ further impacts the NOP, whose world has been turned upside down as they are dragged into a lengthy process which, often, can take years to resolve.

There are many different reasons for committing online sexual offences. For some, it will be because they are actively seeking out children to abuse, to find someone to meet up with so that they can assault them, or they are viewing images to satisfy a desire until they can find a ‘real-life’ target. These people are capable of doing enormous harm and will need to be carefully managed to ensure they are not able to commit a contact offence. Some people accessing CSAM do so because they have an inherent sexual interest in children but do not want to commit a contact offence, therefore they use online images to satisfy their sexual needs without crossing over into ‘real-life’ abuse. For others, they do so due to an escalation in pornography use. Many people are able to view the same type of pornography regularly, over a number of years, without getting bored, however, there are a number of people who quickly become desensitised to what they are viewing and, in time, they struggle to become aroused to their usual material. This is a little like listening to your favourite song a number of times, then becoming bored with it, and needing to listen to something different to get that same emotional high. This group of people are highly at risk of viewing CSAM, but, usually, at very little risk of committing a contact offence. 

This is where it is so vitally important that a good risk assessment is carried out, by someone who has a thorough understanding of the different pathways to offending, and can ascertain the difference between someone who is likely to escalate to a contact offence, and someone who has viewed images as part of problematic pornography use. For those who have no sexual interest in children but have viewed images through an escalation in pornography use, the most harm caused to their children comes in the form of psychological harm from their parent suddenly being absent from their life.